


But Can You Do This?

by foreverinprinxietyhell



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Encouraging words, F/M, Friendly banter, Friends to the Rescue, Isolation, References to Depression, Self-Doubt, Sleepy Cuddles, imposter syndrome, protective puggos, reassurance, references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 16:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16936722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinprinxietyhell/pseuds/foreverinprinxietyhell
Summary: Felix, I doubt you'll see this, but I'm a newer fan who started watching your videos in Apri  and I just gotta say (aside from the explanation throughout this fic) you mean a lot to me andI'm so glad that I gave you a chance. Much love, bro 💛





	But Can You Do This?

Second guessing a long-term career usually proved to be a defining learning lesson. Instead all it brought to the Swede was unshakable doubt that he was even relevant anymore; people joked about how his content was unoriginal, but after a while one had to wonder if it were true

Posting that he would be taking a day off from uploading to the channel and hoping it would not effect this memeable race between him and T-Series on Twitter, Felix kept to himself in the dimly lit shared bedroom. Not wanting to interact with anyone, pale blue eyes stared lifelessly at the cracked ceiling, arms folded behind disheveled blond hair as he contemplated… the void if anything else.

“Edgar…” he grumbled barely above a whisper as he felt two front paws press into a narrow chest to lick around his chin, which would have usually been welcomed, “Go bother your mom, huh?”

Tilting his head to the side as if he understood Pewd’s suggestion and was going to argue against it the silver-haired pug simply slouched next to his owner in defiance, one ear flipping inside out as he did. Smirking softly at such stubbornness the Swedish born ignored insistent licking as he sank further not only into the mattress as radio silence blocked out rational thought. He was still doing well for himself, so shouldn’t he be grateful?

“Felix?” his fiancee called out from seemingly further away than she actually was. He would never intentionally ignore her even if there was an argument going on, but he could barely summon enough energy to acknowledge his pet, let alone her, “You haven’t moved since you woke.”

“Don’t feel like it is all.” 

“Doesn’t sound like you, is everything alright?”

“Not really.”

“Please look at me…”

Unable to refuse he reluctantly propped up on an elbow to be met with a notoriously gentle look clouded with concern, feeling even more guilty for causing worry. Sighing sharply as he combed back a floppy, disheveled fringe from his face to face Marzia as he admitted what he was beginning to fear most, “Do you ever feel like you’re not doing right no matter what you do?”

“Is this about me cohosting with you?”

“Not exactly… I-I dunno how to really explain, forget it.”

“Fele…” she sighed, startling him into unease until she joined him in bed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders once Edgar had readjusted to laying in a crossed lap, “I wanna know so I can help you feel better. Not judge you.”

“It’s just… I’m second guessing myself, I think? It’s not simple.”

“Nothing ever is, love.”

“The fans are just trying to get rid of me. And they’re right to wanna after what I've done…”

“They don’t mean it.”

“What if they do though?!” he demanded desperately, swiping angrily at hot tears that began to form as he became even more overwhelmed, “S-Sorry… Can I be left alone for a while?”

Nodding in understanding Marzia leaned in close to press a soft peck against a stubble covered cheek, leaving only once he had promised to come down and eat in the next hour or so. Absentmindedly stroking the pug he hardly noticed that Maya decided to join in, startled as he felt an additional cold nose against a folded palm.

“Sorry girl, guess I’m letting everyone down today.” 

Unbeknownst to him why falling into a dreamless sleep that Marzia was busying herself around the house to avoid overreacting after checking on her husband-to-be. Entry number for even when he awoke from the short-lived nap to see if her tweet that the former green-haired PewDiePie replied to with intentions of helping out nothing could prepare him for the scene awaiting him downstairs.

“...Jack?” He asked, not trusting sleep crusted eyes, “What're you doin’ here?”

“Was in the neighborhood.”

“Sure…” 

“Get some coffee. I'll explain once you're more responsive.”

Raising a curious brow Felix decided not to argue since caffeine was involved, going ahead with pouring a mug of the fresh brew while heating up a breakfast plate made for him. Taking his time with returning to the others creamer and sugar was mindlessly mixed around the ceramic bottom while all eyes were watching in wait, sighing exasperatedly as he brought both dishes to the wooden coffee table where he sat I front of his fiancee and a long-time friend sat together on the couch, avoiding direct eye contact as he began to eat.

“Aren't you missing an upload?”

“I've delayed a video for you once before, I'll do it again when needed,” the Irish man declared in a somber tone above the slight scraping of fork tines, “Marzia didn't tell me much, so care to explain?”

“It just feels like nothing I do really matters?” he started with a loose shrug, chewing methodically on a piece of fake bacon, “Videos are just a blur after awhile and it's only a matter of time 'til I become irrelevant.”

“Is this 'cos of T-Series?”

“Y'know I don't really care about that, it's just… The increase in people asking for the old PewDiePie back is getting to me, like everyone else is allowed to grow and I'm not.”

,”That's _why_ people keep coming back foro more, Fele,” Marzia chimed in with a firmness in her voice, “You continue on in spite of your downfall. You've helped so many people like Jack.”

“I don't know if I can keep doing it though. 'Sides he was able to keep subscribers on his own…”

“That may be true, but without you that wouldn't have been nearly as possible!”

“I guess.”

Caught off guard by the sudden movement of the other male the Swede tensed in preparation to be told off for feeling this way, yet he was nearly knocked back in a sudden, tight hug that he immediately melted into when that initial fear died down. Trembling slightly Pewds rested a bearded chin onto the broad shoulder, light lashes fluttering to a near close as he stared off into the distance.

“You still work so hard, it's admirable,” Seán started, not planning on letting go anytime soon until the entire point was made, “a lot of people have given you shit for the type of stuff you do, but you've adapted and moved on. You've done all these things during your stay on YouTube for so long and you're still such a strong presence to the people who watch you. Viewers have come and gone and you've managed just stay who you are for all this time!”

“Jack, I-”

“I'm not done ya Swedish sonuvabitch,” he warned with a friendly jest that gained gentle laughter from everyone, “Don't beat yourself up for feeling all o’ this, it's natural. Never forget you're a lot stronger than you pretend to be even when you have these moments.”

“What if I fuck up during another livestream? Some think I'm all these horrible things…”

“You're not a bad person oh, you're my favorite person. But sometimes you can be a real cunt.” Seán stated lovingly, adding a hearty Patton the back for good measure, “Maybe you wanna quit when things fail, but you can't just fail when things quit Either way, you still matter to us, Felix!”

**Author's Note:**

> Felix, I doubt you'll see this, but I'm a newer fan who started watching your videos in Apri and I just gotta say (aside from the explanation throughout this fic) you mean a lot to me andI'm so glad that I gave you a chance. Much love, bro 💛


End file.
